How To Overcome Fear and
Resistance to Feedback, Page 3

Page 1, 2, 3, 4

This is Page 3 of How to Overcome Fear and Resistance to Feedback where I am reviewing the four feedback acceptance steps that can be easily remembered with the acronym: H.E.L.P. 

On this Page. I'll share more about the 3rd Step: L. Learning Balance.

• H. How Important Feedback Is…

• E. Examining Why

• L. Learning Balance

• P. Pick What You Use

Step 3 on How to Overcome Fear and Resistance to Feedback – L. Learning Balance

When you’re starting a new business, a new job, a new project or learning a new skill it’s common, normal and, sometimes, helpful to acknowledge others’ experience. To value their feedback as accurate and important.  But not too much.

It’s no wonder that as I began my business I was ‘freaking out’ and resistant about all the feedback.  

Not only was I getting a lot more feedback than ever before, I thought I needed to change and do something about every bit of feedback I received! But so much of the feedback was confusing and ‘all over the place’. 

Here’s a synopsis of feedback after one of my early workshops:  “Talk faster… talk slower…program was just right…it went too slow… there was too much detail… not enough detail… this was fun… boring… so helpful…didn’t learn a thing…loved the nail exercise helped me…thought the nail exercise was dumb…I can’t believe how much my report revealed about me…I thought those reports were off…”  What was I to make of all of this? 

Over time I learned that I needed to balance my approach to feedback.   Here are a few tricks I use that help me:

Here's how I now respond to feedback when I'm reading it or getting it in person:

• I do not act upon the feedback immediately, or sometimes at all.
• I stay neutral in my response to the feedback-giver and to the content of the feedback.
• I express appreciation to the feedback-giver, whether I agree or disagree, with a statement something like this: “I really appreciate you sharing. Thank you for telling     me this. It’s helpful.”

Later on when I’m by myself or when I'm journaling, that's when I celebrate, examine and/or feel the ‘emotional hit’ - if there was one - around the feedback.  I no longer down play the good feedback OR the feedback that feels like criticism.  I take time to just ‘be’ with it – to think about it, feel it and examine it in detail.

Learning balance by initially staying neutral in your response to the feedback you receive AND then taking time to examine it, not ignore it OR use all of it, is crucial if you want to know how to overcome fear and resistance with feedback.   

Recommended Feedback Acceptance Action:  I use these 'tools' to remain neutral in my response to feedback. Each is very simple, VERY effective and will really help you in your efforts around how to overcome fear to feedback!

• I Decide that any and all feedback is informative, and that my approach is to initially remain neutral in my response to it.  
• Take Deep Breathes.  Try this count – I learned it in meditation and it works!  Try it right now, five times.  Notice how that exact count helps calm and soothe you.
               1) In through the nose (3 counts)
               2) Out through the mouth (5 counts)  
• Take Notes.  Taking notes helps you pay attention and listen aggressively which will help you focus on listening, not debating.
  
• Self-Talk Reminder:  “This is this person’s perception. While I may or may not agree, I definitely want to know what they are seeing, thinking and feeling, because true or not true it is what they are experiencing.”

Go to Page 4 for Feedback Acceptance Step Four- P. What You Use

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Go to How to Overcome Fear and Resistance to Feedback Page 4