THE recipe for a happy life, one of the 'keys' to Waking Up Eager, is to be able to be able to say that this statement is true for you: "I live on my own terms, not by the rules and preferences of others." (This Statement is 1 of 13 in the Re-Calibrate Daily, a WUE Habit, Free Quiz.)
I struggled with "living a life on my own terms, and not by the rules and preferences of others" initially, but over time I've gotten better at it. The more I find ways to live my life according to my interests and strengths, the better I feel. And this helps me bring a 'better version of myself' to all interactions - personally and professionally.
Back in 1996 I was totally frustrated. I was trying to craft a perfect work and career vision, an assignment my Career Counselor had given me. At the time I’d been out of college for 10 years. While I had a career that looked pretty good to others, it felt like failure to me.
That’s why I hired the Career Counselor. I wanted to figure out what 'The Secret' was. What the heck was my recipe for a happy life? Why was what I had been doing not working so well? My assignment to list what my "the perfect work looked like" sounded ‘easy,’ but I struggled with it.
I finally pulled something together. As I shared what I'd written with my Counselor I felt completely guilty, "Who am I to state what I want so boldly? Who am I to even expect that I could create and live this perfect vision. Who am I to try to have my own recipe for a happy life?"
Up until that point I’d spent a lot of my life doing a lot of what others expected of me. No wonder I struggled with my assignment, and no wonder I was unhappy. In high school, college or afterwards I hadn’t taken stock of my strengths, preferences and interests, and my life and career was not built around them. My life was only partially created by me, and much of it had been by default.
That is until I started defining my preferences and started consciously crafting my own recipe for a happy life, based upon my strengths, interests and values. When I made THAT shift, I started to know what it felt like to live life more on 'my own terms.' And, that process continues to unfold today.
If you’re creating and living a life that allows you to...
...then you’re living on ‘your terms’. If you're like I was, and you're not using your strengths, honoring your interests and sharing your talents, NOW is the time...
This first step sounds simple, but it's important. It all begins with getting over 'the guilt.' You have to decide that it’s a good thing to build a life around your preferences, strengths and interests.
When I realized that: 'Our preferences, strengths and interests are the gifts we bring to the world. That they are unique unto each one of us.They were born into us for a reason,' I found it easier to release the 'guilt' and allow the Good.
Creating a recipe for a happy life by building a life around your preferences and your strengths, is not selfish, it's the reason you have the strengths and preferences that you have!
Definition of Preference: (also called "taste" or "penchant") is: a concept, used in the social sciences, particularly economics. It assumes a real or imagined "choice" between alternatives and the possibility of rank ordering of these alternatives, based on happiness, satisfaction, gratification, enjoyment, utility they provide. More generally, it can be seen as a source of motivation. In cognitive sciences, individual preferences enable choice of objectives/goals.
Here's Another View of Preferences and Living 'On Your Own Terms' from the Founder of Sudbury Valley School: "The process of self direction, or blazing your own way, indeed of living your life rather than passing your time, is natural but not self evident to children growing up in our civilization."
This statement by this educator is true for many students AND adults. Almost everyone wants to LIVE rather than just 'pass time', but to do this requires introspection and self direction. The very skills that are taught at the Sudbury Valley School.
Sudbury Valley was founded in 1968, and is located in Framingham, MA. This school is devoted to helping students learn to think for themselves. They focus on helping students direct their lives, use their strengths, follow their interests, take responsibility for outcomes, set priorities, allocate resources, and work with others, all in a growing and vibrant community.
I became extremely interested in the Sudbury Valley School when I first heard about it, not because I have kids or because I wanted to teach there. But because I was beginning to understand the importance of what this school is instilling in their students, at a young age.
They are teaching their students to set and DIRECT their lives based on their innate interests, talents, strengths and gifts. I'm fascinated to see the advantage the Sudbury Valley kids have towards an empowered and fulfilling live. I wish that we all could be taught how to consciously create our life by using the knowledge of our strengths and preferences to guide us.
When does the average person get exposure and support to develop to this skill-set? Sometimes never! But, the awareness and willingness to create a self directed life CAN be awakened and strengthened, at ANY age. And, in my opinion, It's important to do, because without it, it's almost impossible to create days that energize you, empower you and help you be all that you born to be!!
Here are several tools I’ve used to help me understand my preferences, strengths and interests. Each has helped me learn to create my own rules. Each helps me bring more of "the best of me" to every day and every interaction.
Use these resources to build a life based on your own preferences and on your terms. To do so is your gift to the world.
On your quest to uncover your own preferences and your own recipe for a happy life I recommend the practice of journal-ing. I write every day.
Writing every day helps me become more conscious about how I spend my days and time, helps me tap into my own 'Knowing' around creating my recipe for a happy life. It also helps me look more objectively at my day and how I'm spending my time.
As a Professional Development Consultant I've been able to teach and use almost every type of assessment available. They're fun and they're a GREAT way to learn more about yourself. The revealed in these type of tools speed up your ability to create and follow your own recipe for a happy life..
Over time though, I
found that while some of the assessments were 'interesting' - they
didn't actually help me get me to where I wanted to go - the information was not
always use-able. There are only a few Assessment Tools that I consider the best, and among them is the TriMetrixHD Assessment.
Using your results from these this report can make life stronger, fuller and clearer and can help you name, claim, understand and build your life around your preferences. The data from my own reports have helped me stay on-track, make good decisions and helped me to continually refine and shape my own recipe for a happy life.
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