Improve Work and Family Relationships:

What a Good Coach
(& Aunt, Parent, Leader, too) Does

Here you'll get three specific actions you can take to improve work and family relationships, plus watch an upbeat video!

And, don't forget to share YOUR wisdom near the end of this page.

I was extra quiet as I made my breakfast last weekend. Two of my adorable nephews, Jesse (20) and Christopher (19), were visiting from South Carolina.

They were doing what most young adults do on Saturday: sleeping-in!

Christopher, Suzie and Jesse, at Hard Rock Cafe, Atlanta

As they slept-in I tried to read the paper, while I fretted about how we’d spend our day,

“Wonder what they’ll want to do? What will they like best? Hope they aren’t bored. Maybe we should go downtown. Maybe we should just hang out here... Wonder if they’ve seen the movie Adjustment Bureau yet? Maybe we should...”

Not having children (other than my four-legged ‘kids’: Oscar and Felix) I try to make each visit ‘perfect’.

Plus, my husband, who likes all the ‘guy-things’ my nephews like, like: race cars, motors, woodworking and everything male, was out of town. On this visit the boys would be with me. I didn’t want them to be bored with Aunt Suzie!

My mind-ramble came to halt as I started reading this Wall Street Journal article by Actor David Duchovny (of X-Files fame), titled: What a Good Coach Does. Duchovny’s article reminded me of something I already know, but temporarily forgot.

What does a ‘good’ Aunt do? The same thing the ‘good’ Coaches, Parents and Leaders do!

It’s the thing that brought a 14 year old reserved, scared, outwardly blasé’ Duchovny to become a team player, to begin to care and engage in the game.

Here’s what Dochovny shares about his basketball coach:

My ‘work,’ my greatest effort and focus with my nephews, is NOT just about the places I take them and what we do (those things can be fun), but it should NOT be my main focus.

It is NOT what I DO with my nephews that they will remember, it is how I BE with them. That is the most important thing.

I use this video in many of my corporate leadership training programs, it reminds us of this. Watch and enjoy with good music, cool pictures and uplifting thoughts.

Duchovny‘s coach believed in him, and conveyed that belief in every communication and interaction with him.

In my leadership classes and in my eProduct: Four Skills That or Break All Leaders, the skill great leaders and coach (and aunts) need to master is the ability to:

Download a PDF Memory Jogger Card of this skill and specific action steps, here.

I believe that this is what Coach Bryne did. This is how he cultivated a positive sense of self in Duochovny, and it is what we can all focus on as we strengthen and improve our own work and family relationships:

1. See Their Goodness: Point out what is working, and what they do well, more than what they are doing wrong.

   The best support, love and leadership we can give another is: to see their possibility and goodness, ‘beaming’ it to them with every thought and deed.

   When they express self-doubt, don’t buy into it. See who they really are, and who they really can be, until they see it for themselves.

2. Be Present: Be where you are! Get tuned-in to and 'with' the person you are with, even if you just have a few minutes.

   That means listening and showing interest. This is about spending focused time with your employees, kids, nephews, and friends. Eliminate distractions when you are with them, tune-in, and be present - remember, BE WHERE YOU ARE.

3. Expect the Best This is a restatement of number 1, but it is so important, I must remind myself and you again! This means: giving less advice and encouraging and listening more.

   If you are doing this well, you are saying things like:
   

   • "I understand."
   • "Tell me more. Then what happened? What do you think about that?"
   • "I know you can do it. I know you’ll figure it out, you always do."
   • "You are good. You always have been, and you always will be."

To reference these action steps, plus three others, open and print this Memory Jogger Card, here.

For Jesse and Christopher’s visit I turned my focus to: Seeing Their Best, Being Present and Expecting the Best, while we raced go carts, watched movies and ate all their favorite foods.

It is so wonderful to focus on what’s important, first!

We had a great weekend. My nephews are amazing and I am, once again, reminded that being with others has more power than what we do.

Share Here:

What do you think? What do you do to cultivate a positive sense of self in others?

What do you do to improve work and family relationships? What one thing do you feel like makes a great coach, leader, aunt and parent?

What do good coaches do?

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