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The only way to change your relationship is to change your steps!

by MG

Your story reminded me of a time when my marriage was really in trouble. We had two little boys under four, two big careers involving lots of travel and stress, and voila! We were becoming unraveled as a couple. Talk about the blame game!

Then someone turned me on to the concept of "100% responsibility." The basic idea is we are obviously not 100% responsible for anything, but if "we act as if we are", there is a huge paradigm shift in our thoughts and actions.

I began to think about what I would do if it was totally up to me to make my marriage work. It was amazing the number of ideas that popped up...less blaming, walk away (time out) from arguing, and most importantly, recognizing the gifts my partner/husband brings to the party of our life together (appreciation).

Fast forward: the "boys" are now 20 and 22, we just celebrated another year of marriage and are more in love than ever. Lesson: change your steps in the dance and your partner will follow your lead.

"100%" has worked for me a number of times since then. When things aren't going my way, I think about what I could do differently to change the situation. Very empowering. Especially since "mini me" is all I can change anyway, why go anywhere else?

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Jun 24, 2009
Yes! Treat Him Like a King or Her Life a Queen...
by: Suzie

MG - thank you for taking time to share your story. Love hearing that all these years later your relationship is stronger than ever.

Amazing that this concept works with everyone - employees, business partners and customers...

My friend Kate Bakon sent this story over via email - it highlights your point beautifully:
A man is having lots of trouble with his wife and he goes to his Rabbi for advice and to tell him that he wants a divorce after many years of marriage.

The Rabbi asks him if he’s sure that he wants a divorce and the man replies that she has been hell to live with. The Rabbi then proceeds to give him the following advice.

“Go home and for the next 30 days treat your wife like a queen, bestow many kindness upon her in the form of sweet words, thoughts and deeds”.

The man loudly protests, “why would I do that for that B---ch?!

The rabbi responds, “oh my son, that’s part of the irony…. After you’ve been so kind and sweet for 30 days… SHE will be totally devastated and shocked when you then ask for a divorce. In essence, you will clearly get the last laugh.”

The man thinks about this… and the more he does… the more he likes the idea. So for the next 30 days he treats his wife like a Goddess… speaking kind words, bringing her flowers and small gifts, doing the chores and tasks she badgers him to perform without being asked and for added affect he whistles and sings while he does. He even treats his mother-in-law kindly.

Many months pass, and one day the Rabbi happens upon the man in the grocery store and asks “so, my son have you divorced that wretched woman yet”?...

and the man looks at the rabbi aghast…..

“Rabbi” he says, “why on earth would I divorce that marvelous kind beautiful woman who has been my constant companion for all these many years!”.

He walks off shaking his head. The rabbi turns to go…. He is grinning from ear to ear!

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