The only way to change your relationship is to change your steps!
Your story reminded me of a time when my marriage was really in trouble. We had two little boys under four, two big careers involving lots of travel and stress, and voila! We were becoming unraveled as a couple. Talk about the blame game!
Then someone turned me on to the concept of "100% responsibility." The basic idea is we are obviously not 100% responsible for anything, but if "we act as if we are", there is a huge paradigm shift in our thoughts and actions.
I began to think about what I would do if it was totally up to me to make my marriage work. It was amazing the number of ideas that popped up...less blaming, walk away (time out) from arguing, and most importantly, recognizing the gifts my partner/husband brings to the party of our life together (appreciation).
Fast forward: the "boys" are now 20 and 22, we just celebrated another year of marriage and are more in love than ever. Lesson: change your steps in the dance and your partner will follow your lead.
"100%" has worked for me a number of times since then. When things aren't going my way, I think about what I could do differently to change the situation. Very empowering. Especially since "mini me" is all I can change anyway, why go anywhere else?
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