Self Judgment can sneak up on you at any time.
It's smart to notice "It", and manage "It", because when we're allowing "It" we're ALWAYS taking ourselves OUT of the Zone.
A Reader Note: This is an article centered around the Enter the Zone Wake Up Eager Habit.
Conversations with Myself...
"Where's that Important Document?"
We'd gotten home a few hours earlier after a fabulous weekend away.
I was feeling a twinge of anxiousness as I frantically dug through my purse.
"Let's see, I remember stuffing it in here when we were headed-out on Friday, and I sent an email about it on my iPhone, while Jeff drove..."
"Hmmmm...it's GOT to be here. Maybe I left it at our other Place. What if I lost it? Damn, it's not here..."
I started to feel a sense of panic. (Can you sense Self Judgment lurking?)
I needed to find this Important Document - I had to make calls about it the next day.
"Maybe I put it in my briefcase. Nope. Not there."
I looked in my purse again. Pulling everything out. Nope.
I looked in my briefcase again. Pulling everything out. Nope.
I got the keys, and checked the trunk and floor board. Nope.
"I lost it. Man, I messed up. I should be more organized. I CAN be scattered. Damn."
Self Judgment has made a grand entrance and decided to visit for awhile!
Unfortunately I allowed myself to hang-out with Self Judgment for about an hour or more.
At some point, I decided to send "It" out the door.
Catching myself in the act of beating myself up, and then consciously deciding to stop it, helped. I was then able to think of workable options.
"All the information I need is in that email, that I sent from my iPhone. I've got that, and that's good enough. I can use that to follow up tomorrow. Okay, enough fretting. I'm on it. It's all good."
The next day I followed up. No problems. Done.
THEN my husband, Jeff, called. He wanted me to scan and email the Important Document to him. Self Judgment walked right back-in, "I lost it. I have the information. I followed up. But I lost the Important Document."
Jeff's replied, "Oh."
Self Judgment was back and I felt terrible. "I lost it. Man, I messed up. I should be more organized. I CAN be scattered. Damn."
Self Judgment = Out of the Zone
Today, four days after 'I Lost the Important Document,' I sat down to pay bills. As I opened my house documents and bills file, what do you think I found there? Yep, you guessed it... Sitting right where it should be was the 'Important Document I Lost.'
Apparently I'm so organized, that when I got home last weekend, I immediately put it where it was supposed to be.
I realize now that I'd been IN THE ZONE when I'd put it there.
And, when I got OUT OF THE ZONE, with my quick Self Judgment, I'd forgotten my IN THE ZONE actions. (Enter the Zone definition, here.)
The inner turmoil I caused myself was soooo unnecessary, off-base and wasted energy.
I immediately wanted to call Jeff to tell him, "I found it! I never lost it! I AM organized!" Until I realized that HE was never judging me, in fact i'm pretty sure he never thought about it again.
He was just at work when we talked and was busy. That was all that his "Oh." meant.
We're Too Quick to Assume Our Wrongness...
BUT It's Not Always Just About Self-Esteem
This very simple, no-big-deal-in-the-big-scheme-of-things 'Important Document Incident' reminds methat I can be (and I see this in many others, too) WAY too hard on myself.
I'm too quick to assume my own wrongness.
And, in my opinion, this 'being-hard-on-ourselves' tendency is NOT as simple as saying someone does or does not have self esteem.
I (like many of you) am very brave, and bold, and often fearless. I can take-on-the-world in ways that others who are crippled by Self Judgment and low esteem, cannot.
But, even confident people can have a tendency to take themselves Out of the Zone by expecting perfection, and by NOT giving themselves the benefit of the doubt.
And, being OUT of the Zone means we are less clear-minded. That we're bringing LESS THAN our Full-Self, to whatever we're doing at that moment.
I'm pretty sure that if I had not been so quick to judge myself as "scattered and disorganized," I would have thought about my house papers file and checked there, too.
Out of the Zone or In the Zone?
When we're "Out of the Zone" -
(letting Self Judgment get a foot-hold in our mind)
We are operating at less than our Full Capacity.
When we're "In the Zone" -
(loving Self and giving ourselves, and others, the benefit of the doubt)
We're clear minded, at ease and operating at Full Capacity.
The REAL-In-The-Zone-Me (and You) is: smart, thoughtful, well-meaning and Guided to being at the right place, at the right time, doing the right things.
In my 'Important Document Incident' - the "In The Zone" me, put that document where it needed to be, but the "Out of the Zone" me could not find it, because... in my quick self judgment, I was not thinking clearly or fully.
Once again, I'm reminded how important it is to continually develop, refine and strengthen the Enter the Zone Wake Up Eager Habit. There are Three Universal Practices that help strengthen the Enter the Zone Habit:
This helps me notice when Self Judgment has shown up. I can now pull myself out of "It" and as I do, "It" becomes less and less accessible to me.
What about you? Can you relate?
Do you notice that others can be hard on themselves?
I rely on self-awareness and my practice of daily
Tune in Tune to refine and develop my own
Enter the Zone Habit.
What do you do? What do you recommend to others?