How to Give Feedback and
Not Wreck Relationships:

A Four Step Process

Page 1, 2

I learned how to give feedback from my watching first 'real-job' boss, Brutus, do it all wrong. His approach wrecked relationships and left 'dead bodies' in the hallway.

I was fresh out of college, and I knew I didn't know much.

But, one thing I did know is that this business-smart senior executive did not know how to give feedback.

Here's an example:

I was with five of my teammates. We were laughing and having fun as we headed back into the office. This was first time we'd relaxed in months.

We knew we were 30 minutes past our usual lunch hour, but we weren't concerned. We'd all been working 60 hours or more, for weeks. It felt good to have a little fun.

Besides, we'd made sure the office was covered so we could take this extra time to visit our youngest co-worker, who'd just had her first baby.

Our happy mood was short-lived.

Brutus (our boss and the Vice President of Human Resources) met us at the door with a sour look on his face. He curtly ushered us in his office and shut the door. It went down-hill from there.

I don't remember exactly what he said, but I definitely remember how I felt.

With a red face, raised voice and finger-pointing, he said something like this:

"You all know the rules. And you've all broken them. I never want to see this again... What were you thinking for all of you to be late together? Do you understand what that looks like to other departments? Do you?"

His approach left me feeling small, unappreciated and mis-understood. His team left his office deflated.

From that day forward my commitment and willingness to give 150%, changed. I decided I would do less, and figure out how to get out of there. And I did.

I can't speak for everyone else, but over a short period of time, each one of us left the department.

Did we leave just because of this incident? No, not really. But it did change our commitment levels and it began the shift to less engagement and energy in the work.

After you share your advice below, Don't Miss Part 2 of this article, where I provide a visual of the Four Step Process, specific examples of each step and more.

Share Your Comments,
Wisdom & Questions...

What coaching would you give Brutus? How do YOU "discipline" good performers when they've crossed a line? What could Brutus have done differently?

What's your biggest challenge when giving feedback? Do you have any tips that would benefit others?

How do you tell your highest producer that his expenses are too high, without damaging his excellent sales record?

How do you let your top-notch administrative assistant know that she's been late too much, and that it's causing problems, without dampening her hard work and effort?

Getting good at addressing work habit issues (like messy desks, too much personal time, being late) to effectively addressing performance issues (missed deadlines, low production, inadequate work product) can be tricky - but learning how to be effective with these conversations is important.

The typical manager can spend up to two days a week managing poor workplace work habits, low performance and team conflict.

Continued on page 2. See a visual of the Four Step Process, specific examples of each step and more.

For detailed assistance on knowing how to give feedback, check out my online 6 week eCourse.

You get step-by-step help, a practice call with me, leadership assessment tools, and a bunch more.

Check out the Building My Leadership Skills eCourse Here.

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