Helped Us Understand Our Fights and Stopped Most of Them

by Kim Evans
(San Francisco)

My husband and I have taken this quiz. He is very HIGH Utilitarian/Economic and very LOW on Aesthetic. I now understand why he squeezes the toothpaste tube to the very last drop (to do anything else feels wasteful to him).

Me on the other hand, I am the exact opposite. I'm very HIGH Aesthetic and I'm LOW in Utilitarian. When the toothpaste tube looks unattractive, I toss it. (Gasp! Sometimes there's even toothpaste still in the tube.) My husband hates it when I'm so wasteful. I hate it when the things around me are messy and uptight feeling.

Sounds silly but this argument has been a key theme of our 15 year marriage, it's the crux of what we've always fought about - his 'being cheap and uptight' (my description of him when I'm mad) and my 'being too flighty and not practical about life' (his description of me when he's mad at me.)

Suzie Note:See the workplace motivators soul self descriptors here to understand the difference between Utilitarian and Aesthetic.

I love to take vacations. He'd rather work and save money. Somehow just seeing our results in the assessments has softened our tension with each other. We ARE different and we actually (when we're not driving each other crazy) help balance each other out.

I get it now that he loves work - it is energizing to him. So I fuss and crank on him less, about it. He gets it that I need more rest and balance then he does, I feel like he's being less judgmental of me.

Lately, as we develop a better understanding of our differences instead of being a point of frustration, they make us laugh and we're easier with each other.

We're spending less time trying to make the other one wrong and we're having more fun together.

I love that we're happier together. It all started with me trying to figure out my own deal first. As I apply this understanding to my every day, it's just like Suzie shares here, I'm easier with myself and easier with everyone else. Love that!

Thank you for sharing this tool with us.

SUZIE'S COMMENTS...

Kim,

Thank you so much for so bravely sharing your and your husband's story here. It's something I think we can all relate to - I love, love, love that you are appreciating the differences more and fighting less.


Thank You for participating in the Wake Up Eager Community.
All the Best, and More for Both of You!
Suzie