Healthy Family Relationships:
What I Learned After I Hit the Floor
of the Skating Rink

Healthy family relationships, in addition to good friends, is like having your own inspiration network. They'll love you, see the best in you and be there for you when you most need help.

That's why this item is in the free Wake Up Eager Self Assessment:

This page includes videos, tips and a place for you to share your advice about healthy family relationships.

I've been consciously focusing on improving this area in my own life.

I can be very independent and often want to do things on my own, my way. It can be hard for me to ask for help.

I've also become aware of my intense need to 'add value.' If I'm not 'adding value' by doing something for people, I feel, well, not as valuable.

If I don't bring a gift, if I'm not uplifting in some way or offering something special, I feel like I'm not doing enough to earn their support.

While these traits of mine work pretty well in many parts of my life, they can create distance with loved ones because I don't always share or ask for help if something's wrong. I can try too hard to "do" as opposed to just "being" with people.

While I don't have a bunch of unhealthy friend and family relationships, I know there's a new level of connection I can develop in this arena of healthy family relationships.

My 'hang-ups' around not asking for help and trying to always "add value" hit me right in the face on my birthday, when I went from this..

...having fun roller skating...

...to the hospital at midnight.

Yes it was my bright idea to go skating.

No I did not break both wrists, just my left. (I'm left-handed.) I severely strained my right hand, which is healing. (I'm typing this with a couple of fingers!)

Here's what I realized about healthy family relationships after I hit the floor...

I realized how important it is to have people in your life who love you even when you can't do a thing for them.

Jeff, my husband, had to help me for several days brush my teeth, get dressed, fix dinner, put up the dishes, move my pillow, get me ice, put on my jacket... Well, the list goes on...and on.

This experience has heightened my awareness about the value and importance of healthy family relationships (friends, too).

Taking the time to solve relationship problems and to re-build, strengthen and/or create healthy family relationships (and friends) who love and appreciate you - for you, not what you do for them, is worth your and my time and attention.

Since this area is not a strength for me - I would love to hear your advice to all of us who struggle with this... Share your 'how I create healthy family relationships' advice and resources here.

If you're frustrated in your efforts to bring your family closer, share what you're facing with the Wake Up Eager community, here.

Here's Some advice from Family Experts
About Healthy Family Relationships

• At 4therapy.com, Counselor Michelle Gottlieb shares the top components found in healthy families.
  
  It doesn't surprise me that they mirror what it takes to build a healthy, high performing team.
  
  Here's a summary of her article:

  • "The first component in healthy family relationships is healthy communication. Communication that is not steeped in blaming. Communication that is open and accepting. Communication where the family can sit and talk together without fear of reprisals."
  • "Which leads into the second component: respect. We need to respect all members of the family no matter how old or young. Each member brings something special and unique to the family. So, we need to appreciate and hear every member."
  • "Another, hopefully obvious, component in healthy family relationships is love. With love, comes affection, but affection that is healthy and does not cross any boundaries. It is vital that all members of the family can receive affection that is not tainted with any inappropriate messages."
  • "There are many other components, but the last that I will share is liking all the family members. Now, I do not mean liking every family member constantly. We do not always like every member of our family all the time. But in a healthy family relationships, we like all the different members most of the time."

• So how do we build more communication, respect, love and like within our family? Brigham Young University shares that family traditions help develop and strengthen healthy family relationships.

Traditions are: practices or beliefs that create positive feelings and are repeated at regular intervals. Because traditions have meaning that is special to an individual family, they create feelings of warmth, closeness and healthy family relationships.

By spending time together in a fun and special setting, family members grow closer.

Effective traditions promote a sense of identity and a feeling of belonging. They also promote a feeling of safety and security within the familyby providing a predictable and familiar experience. Family members have something to look forward to which gives them a sense of assurance in a hectic and ever-changing world.

In his book about healthy family relationships The Intentional Family: Simple Rituals to Strengthen Family Ties family scholar William Doherty says that as family bonds are weakened by busy lifestyles, families can stay connected only by being intentional about maintaining important rituals and traditions.

Regular participation in meaningful traditions helps families overcome an inclination toward what family scholars call "entropy."

In the physical sciences, entropy is the tendency of a physical system to lose energy and coherence over time, such as a gas dissipating until it's all but gone.

As Doherty explains, an "entropic family" is one that loses its sense of emotional closeness because members neglect the family's inner life and community ties.

"Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they got."

Daddy Teller:
How To Be A Hero To Your Kids

One way to communicate more often and create more respect, love and like in family relationships is to tell stories topass on values and life knowledge to your children.

Daddy Teller: How to Become a Hero to Your Kids is a 70 page guide that can help you create story traditions with your family.

This download-able eBook includes everything you need to ensure that your family is glued to your every word, lost in their admiration and love for you as you instill value and tradition into your home.

There are eight stories, checklists and links to free audio and video training.

If building healthy family relationships is important to you use this book Daddy Teller: How to Become a Hero to your Kids to create life long memories and learning that will stick with your kids forever.

This book includes a money back guarantee. You can also print it out with this very cool and free trial printer utility at http://www.fineprint.com

More Meaningful Traditions

Additional ideas for creating meaningful family traditions in healthy family relationships:

• Aim for a moderate number of traditions. Families with too few traditions have trouble staying unified. They tend to forget or ignore important events in family member's lives. Families with too many traditions, on the other hand, dilute the importance of each tradition. Moderation is the key.

• Establish new traditions. Establishing new traditions takes preparation and effort. Choose traditions that include every family member and are sensitive to the needs of all family members. Remember that every family is unique; do what works for you. Also don't overwhelm the family with new traditions. Pick one or two and see how things go.

• From time to time, evaluate your traditions. To make sure your traditions are working for your family, it's a good idea for families occasionally to identify and evaluate traditions they already have and make plans to add new ones.

Common Family Traditions. Below is a list of traditions many families have continued through the generations or adopted as new traditions. As you evaluate your family's traditions, use this list as a resource for possible new traditions...

• For birthdays, each family member chooses his or her favorite menu, then everyone except the birthday person helps prepare the meal.
• No one can go to bed until they've told each member of the family "I love you."
• For religious milestones such as baptism or confirmation, a child is given a book of scripture.
• For religious or historical figures the family especially admires, celebrate that person's birthday.
• Saturdays are Dad's day to make breakfast with the kids.
• Take turns choosing a topic of discussion at the dinner table.
• Have a special dinner plate to be used by a family member who has a reason to celebrate.
• Tell a story every night before bed.
• Keep a family journal, letting everyone write in it.
• Establish your own holidays, such as an "Un-birthday Party."
• Watch movies that explore the value of traditions, such as "Fiddler on the Roof."

Are you struggling to bring your family together? Share your frustrations and get feedback from other readers, here.

Or have you discovered traditions that are helping you bring your family closer? Share your tips and insights here.

If you have tips and ideas that will help others, please let us know what's working for you here.

This Tim Hawkins comedy skit video cracked me up - even though I'm a wife! A couple of minutes of humor and what NOT to say...

"What Does Love Mean?"

Leave it to the children (4 to 8 years old) to help us all better understand how important it is to develop, work on and create healthy family relationships. Here's how they answered the question, "What Does Love Mean?":

• "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8
• "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
  Billy - age 4
• "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5
• "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
  Chrissy - age 6
• "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4
• "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7
• "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
• "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
• "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7
• "During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy - age 8
• "Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5
• "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7
• "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4
• "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4
• "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8

13 Tips for Healthy Family Relationships and
Wake Up Eager Days That Our Dogs Can Teach Us.

Don't miss funny dog video, below!

• When loved ones come home, always run to greet them
• Allow the feel of fresh air and wind in your face to be pure joy
• Let others know when they've invaded your territory
• Take naps and stretch before rising
• On a hot day, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree
• When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body
• No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout.... run right back out and make friends
• Delight in the simple joy of a long walk
• Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you've had enough
• Be loyal
• Never pretend to be something you're not
• If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
• And, play with your family and friends, alot!

Watch this 30 second "home alone" video created when this family noticed water all over their pool deck and furniture, every time they came home, after being away for a few hours.

They thought the neighborhood kids were watching for them to leave, and using the pool.

They set up their video camera and this is what they recorded. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...............

Do you have any tips that would help others who want to develop, deepen and sustain healthy family relationships? Do you have comments, questions and suggestions about this topic? Share Your thoughts here.

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