Free Relationship Quiz:
The Art of Knowing When
You've Got a Friend
Page 1 of 2.
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Three Universal Truths
About Friendship...
As you review your free relationship quiz results and you consider how to now move forward within that relationship, consider these Three Universal Truths: - Every interaction is a co-creation.
You have a part that you play in the 'dance' of the relationship. The other person has a part that they play. And you are 'dancing in it' together. If there's a problem in the relationship, you both own a part in the problem.
- You always have choice. If you're around a friend who drains you, you can:
Put up with it as it is. - Change it.
You get to decide how you spend your time and how you focus your thoughts.YOU are always in charge and you are not a victim to anyone.
I recommend that you Print This Page Now,
that way you can refer back to this information again...
“If friends were flowers, I'd pick you”
As you reflect on your relationship
quiz results, let's talk about:
Truth #1 - Every Interaction is Co-Creation.Truth #1 is empowering and enlightening to remember: Relationships change as you change. My 'great 4 hour dinner' with my long ago work friend Jane (as mentioned on page 1 of this free relationship quiz article) turned into a great dinner because I had changed. Jane hadn't changed - she was always fun, bright, energetic and eager. And because I was feeling less confident and sure of myself, years ago, when I spent time with her back then I felt like she was a 'drainer'. In truth, the fact that I was drained had nothing to do with Jane. Her bright and shine-y self only highlighted my lack, and that bothered me and 'drained' me. I love knowing that every relationship can evolve and improve, when we evolve and improve. The other person does not need to change in order for you to feel better. Knowing that every relationship is a co-creation, a dance we do together, helps up get out of the blame game. When we're not blaming, judging and making the other person wrong, we can turn our focus on what we can change and in the process learn about ourselves and grow. If I'd held to my prior thoughts about Jane, I wouldn't have gone to dinner. I would have missed out on rekindling a very positive and bright friendship with a very positive and bright person. FREE RELATIONSHIP QUIZ TAKEAWAY: When you think someone is draining you, take some time to step away from the relationship. Remove yourself temporarily if you can.
Try to look at the only thing you can control - you. Focus on what part you could be playing in the 'drain dance' of the friendship. Perhaps there's something you are doing that you can address, that will change 'the dance'.
“Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions.
Small people always do that, but the really great make
you believe that you too can become great.”
---Mark Twain
As you reflect on your relationship
quiz results, let's talk about:
Truth #2 - You Always Have ChoiceMy neighbor's ornery-ness with all the other neighbors is a great example of Truth #2. (I talked about this neighbor was on page 1 of this free relationship quiz article) Because we'd heard the stories before we moved in AND because she lived right across the street from us, my husband and I decided that we would find a way to 'make nice' with this person, even though she a 'grand trouble-maker' reputation. We decided. (That's a very strong word and posture: to decide.) We decided we were not going to participate in the gossiping, finger-pointing and fighting vibe. We were going to change the relationship by changing how we focused our attention. We choose a focus of kindness and appreciation. Over time we created an easy, light, helpful friendship with this person. We didn't do anything very big or special, we just decided to focus differently and by using our choice to focus differently we have a different relationship with her. FREE RELATIONSHIP QUIZ TAKEAWAY: Put up with it or change it. You decide. Pick one of the two. And remember, you do have choice, no matter how ornery the person is...
"Problems in relationships occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person."
---Wayne Dyer
As you reflect on your relationship
quiz results, let's talk about:
Truth #3 - You Get To Decide How You Spend Your Time and How You Focus Your Thoughts
My friend Joe is good looking, smart and very kind. He ran a successful small business. Out of the kindness of his heart he'd let people work for him and hang around his business who were drainers. They would waste his time and use his equipment without asking. Joe thought he needed to 'be there' for these guys, they seemed to need him. He had so much more good in his life than what they had. The more he hung around them, the more he felt drained. (It would have been great if he could have taken the free relationship quiz to help him make decisions about these 'friends'.) One day these friends brought trouble. Because Joe was the business owner, he was implicated in the trouble too. It involved the police, fines and jail time. This is a true story. Joe went to jail for his friends' actions, lost his business and just now, today, is getting back on his feet as an ex-con. An extreme case of drainer friends gone wrong. Yes, you can re-focus your thoughts, like we did with our neighbor. But - you are not obligated to hang out or be friends with anyone. Truly, as you reflect on your free relationship quiz results and as you evaluate your friendships to determine if someone is draining to you, you do get to decide how you spend your time. If old friends are no longer a fit, make the change. Your robust, happy, full, wake up eager life depends on it. New more upbeat, bright and fuzzy friends cannot find their way to you if your time is all booked with 'drainers.' Seriously, do you pick the worse restaurant in town for dinner? Trying to 'see the best' in the menu? Do you just choke down the terrible food? No. You look for the best place that will make it easy and effortless to have a good meal. Friends are the same way, pick the people who energize you. FREE RELATIONSHIP QUIZ TAKEAWAY: You ARE at choice and you do get to decide. Sometimes you want to change your focus, and sometimes it is just time to cut the drainers loose. Be sure not to miss the funny video at the very end of this page...With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies?
"Our greatest joy-and our greatest pain
comes in our relationships with others."
--- Stephen R. Covey
“Truly great friends are hard to find,
difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”
"“Friendship is a treasured gift, and every time I talk with you
I feel as if I'm getting richer and richer" If a friendship is not feeling like a treasured gift, it's time to look a little deeper. Use the results of your free relationship quiz and the three Truths around the Art of Knowing When You've Got a Friend to decide. When you have energy and positive things going on in your life, people are drawn to you. They want to spend time with you. And that's a very nice thing.
But, when you start putting their need to be with you above your own preferences you start to feel drained.
When you need (if you have this need) to please others, to 'be nice' and to make 'everyone' happy,
over and above your own needs, well, then, you start not Waking Up Eager. It's time to look at your life holistically. Make more decisions about how you spend your time and who you spend it with. Use all the other tools and resources here on this site to bolster all other areas of your own Wake up Eager life... You're in charge, and you like it that way...really.
Free Relationship Quiz Help
For Relationship Communication Breakdowns
More Relationship Problem Advice:
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Read Vital Friends
Another Free Friend Assessment
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With Friends Like This, Who Needs Enemies?
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